How to practice listening well?

Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It is made up of three components:

Hearing
Interpreting
Assigning a contextual meaning.

The Process of listening is organized into three steps not because I say so but, more so due to the biological process which regulates listening.

The proof of good listening is an appropriate response. - Judi Brownell

You have to conquer two big obstacles if you plan to get really good at listening.

1. Your ability to relax. Listening is an active process where you need to let go of your control and give all your attention to the person talking. If you are too stressed, you cannot give your 100% attention.

2. Your  ability to shut down your inner dialogue and focus on the person who is talking. All too often in a conversation we tend to get ahead of the topic and spend a lot of mental energy in getting an answer together (or in some cases a rebuttal) rather than listen to what is being said. When you focus on your inner self, you are missing out on the action happening outside of you.

 To take of these two problems, I suggest you listen to a great Hypnosis tape called Develop great listening skills.

The Hypnosis program helps you do two things. It helps you relax and then it helps  you stop the inner chatter and pay attention to the speaker. It helps you tune yourself into the conversation in a  way  that will help you fully be "In" the situation.

Some of you may not be familiar or comfortable with the word hypnosis and that is ok.  There are some other exercises that you can try to be in the present. I personally recommend  this tape because it is an easier way to help you focus and its proven to work over many many years now.

Difference between Listening and Hearing

Most of us would not differentiate between hearing and listening. This is mostly due to the conditioning that all of us go through in the school which says

Ear is for Hearing

There is a big difference. You can hear the noise, but you have to listen to your girlfriend.

The physical process behind Hearing involves capturing the sound waves through ears and sending this data to the brain. Or simply put, hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying.

Interpreting: Once this data reaches your brain, based on past experiences and learning, the brain will interpret / understand the data and classifies it as noise, word, music…Etc.

Giving a contextual meaning: Depending on the context/situation, the data is given a specific meaning. With advent of Mobile Cell Phones, it has become all the more important to pay full attention while listening to others.

Example:

"I need the Rolls now"

You hear it. The brain classifies it as words. Based on the context it can have three different meanings.

1. You are looking at you watch and waiting for your car:
Meaning: Rolls Royce.

2. You are in a food joint and awaiting your order:
Meaning Spring rolls.

3. You are practicing for a Rock show and you are speaking to your drummer:
Meaning: Drum rolls.

See how the meaning is determined contextually?

These three components are the internal process required for Active listening. Now, how about the external processes which can help you a little more?

Steps to improve your Active Listening Skills

1. Watch body language and mark it along with the words used. This is how you can get the real meaning of what is being said. Facial expressions are a vital component of any communication.

2. Observe the tonality shifts, rate of speech and such auditory changes. Is it changing too fast or abnormally? Most of the People may stress on the Keywords or use a different tonality to emphasize on a particular statement.

3. Use questions to clarify. Using the keywords and rephrasing can help you understand easily. Use closed questions with moderation.

4. Use receptive language to show that you are listening, if you are too immersed in yourself while listening, others would feel you are not interested.

5. Shift places if you are allowed to do so. This will give you different perspectives on the topic being discussed.

6. Avoid going to the advice mode when someone is explaining a problem. That will nurture your ego but others will feel hurt and unheard. This is especially important in relationships. Men : Woman just want you to listen to them and may not need your help to solve a problem, so focus on just listening. Women: We men actually do not want to listen to very detail, summary will do just fine.

7. Pick out keywords and phrases and use them to maintain your focus incase you drift off once in a while.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to follow these tips without understanding that they are just tips. They are not rules. I hope you know the difference. Whenever you decide to use technique to improve any skill, you need to check for its effect on your audience, if you feel by twisting a bit, you can do a little better, go ahead and do it.

The most important tip I can give you about active listening is to Be Flexible and that will take you a long way.

Practice Active listening by.....

Follow and understand the speaker as if you were walking in their shoes.
Listen not only with your ears, but also with your eyes and other senses.
Absorb the tonality shifts, rhythm and language usage, not just the word.

2. Avoid Judgment:

Choose to listen, rather than judge
Listen to the other person rather than form counter arguments
Acknowledge the speaker verbally and non verbally
 

3. Demonstrate Interest:

Ask Questions to clarify
Use keywords and phrases while asking questions as well as jotting down
Avoid Interruptions unless absolutely necessary.

This list is by no means an exhaustive one. It is a simple guideline to ensure you can understand and practice active listening. When you listen to someone with undivided attention and demonstrate interest, they will feel great about themselves and will be grateful to you.

You can upgrade your listening experience by using these listening skill tips.  I strongly  suggest you try out the imporve listening skills Hypnotics tape.

 Another advantage of active listening is that it keeps you in the present so you do not have to worry about getting a panic attack in case you have to speak about a connected issue